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Things are always weird when I’m at home
I enjoy myself, chill and sometimes roam
To places that are close and I remember dearly
Run into people who are different and often nearly
What I want to remember about arcadia the least
The reason I traveled to Irvine, far far east
Well not really that far, but at least away
Because today is the only day
I’m going to remind myself of what could have been
That crazy spring semester when there was no win
In sight for me, left and right
And my will was beat, I could not fight
With the way things were going I lost all sight
Of who I was, and all my might
Now I know that success does not define me
That the direction I go or what is behind me
Does not say anything about my values and my worth
That me is not discernable from my parents and my birth
That I am who I am and no one else can measure
That no one can take away my life, liberty or pleasure
Because these I hold strong and my pride I hold high
Because I know that I can touch the sky
You can judge me, and rank me on a scale
But I am Sarah, and I prevail.

[[I went to Starbucks yesterday, and got let down by a hs friend. That wasn’t that big of a deal – she apologized… but more was the people I saw at the Starbucks. It was the 3 year younger than me version of what I wanted to be in hs. In hs, I applied for this competitive team, and didn’t make it and it hurt. That same time, the April-May before my senior year, I was rejected from something else, and didn’t get elected to another thing. I kept suffering blows and I guess that visit to Starbucks reminded me of the hurt I felt, and how no matter how I tried in Arcadia I was never the best. Irvine has taught me otherwise… that my best is good enough. I wrote this poem while at the Starbucks to try to reaffirm who I am and a reminder that in college, I can’t think the way I did in hs… that my character is defined by my successes and failures. Even if I try out for something or run for something and don’t get it, I am still who I am]]

Scared.

The future scares the shit out of me
Someone just knocked the spit out of me.
I’m sitting without balance, with nothing but fear
I don’t know my path, wherever I’m near
Is not close enough to where I wanna go.
The sacrifice is clear, but I don’t really know.

Play better.

I am really damn competitive

When it comes to games, I just cant give

in to temptation, I have to fight

Even though its wrong, it feels so right.

I am a fucking addict and it really hurts

I love poker and Mario kart, but it comes in spurts

I’m mad when I lose, and proud when I win

And when I lose, my world starts to spin

What did I do wrong and how did I fail

I set myself up on this messed up trail

I need to learn how to play poker better.

I also need to learn how to live my life better.

Decisions, decisions.

Sometimes you feel bad

Cuz something you want cant be had

Like two cool events on the same night

Or the thrill of doing wrong when you're really doing right

I wish these choices didn't present

But decisions come, just like the rent

check needs to be paid and decisions need to be made

Damn I wish I didn't have to choose

I wish there wasn't always a win and a lose. 

Warmth

The thing about cold is really the fear.
That when you venture out into it, heat won't be near
The real question is how far you should go
The direction might be clear but you don't really know
Whether it is a path of resistance or you can go with the flow
The real hard part is leaving your home
Where you know there is warmth and you'll never be alone
But you don't grow in a place where you're warm
Your character doesn't build, your heart doesn't form
Every little thing is normal and nice
Which is part of the reason I can't face the ice
But when you walk out further than before
You push your own limits, expect a little more
I guess this is why I'm afraid of next year
I'm confronted with a choice of the warmth or the fear
The people who love me, the people who care
Want to take me from my comfort zone and see how I fare
Abroad - without all my family and friends
Its not too far, and to me the ends
Justify the means of pushing the envelope
And like I've been taught, I will widen my scope
To learn about culture and people and life
So I'm gonna do it, and cause myself some strife
Broaden my horizons and take advantage of college
Wish me luck, I'm gonna gain some knowledge.

Chillin with Suj - Written Oct 6th

Yesterday I had a really good talk

With a guy I sometimes wish I could mock

He’s a dancer, he’s crazy, he can pop, lock and drop

His look is pulled straight out of hip hop

But looks shouldn’t really matter much

Its all about the knowledge, intelligence you can’t touch

We talked about SPOP and life

Decisions to make that were causing us strife

How do we go about it, what do we do?

I got a lot to think about after talking with Jason Su

I’m gonna start thinking and stop this rhyme

I hope we can staff together sometime.

Club Kollas - Clubbing Last Week

I am in class once again
With another tale to tell of when
My roommates and I went clubbing last night
And Anes increased three inches in height
Cuz of heels which were part of the look
It was a Thursday night and we said screw the books
This is week 1 - let's have some fun.
So the four of us, with Kevin in shotgun
Head to Lakeforest, Club Kollas it was called
Free before 10, so our asses we hauled
To get there, and stand in the line
As we were walking, my spmama I would find
And quite a lot of other mutual friends.
We had a lot of fun, it was a really good time
Stepped out of our comfort zone, not chill in Irvyne
This was the beginning of a new school year
Hopefully 3rd year will be just as dear.

Chillin in Stats

Probability, variables, expectations, stats

Its all the same math but its wearing different hats

And trying to remind us of the past year

But I thought 3^rd year meant changing gears

To harder, better, faster, stronger

I can’t take this review any longer

Give me just one interesting class

Teach me something, I just need to pass

My days by with service and school

Show me an exception cuz boredom is the rule

Right now, but it will get hard

I can take the challenge – screw the drop card

Cuz I’m ready to learn and have some fun.

I’ll start taking notes – this rap is done.

948

Stuck in the classroom once again
Started my day at 8AM
Too early, too late. I really don’t know
If I look in the mirror, my eyes will show
A tired, sleepy twinkle in my eye
I’m blinking a lot, but there is no fly
Instead it is the feeling of a really long night
A meeting, a bonfire, a fake card fight
Of mafia, with an angel and cop
People keep coming over, it just don’t stop
I guess our home’s full, we’re never alone
And I always get a call on my cell phone:
“Can we come over, is anyone there?”
They call it Sarah’s place; I guess it’s my lair
But honestly, I’m not even home very much
I’m usually on campus, chilling and such
I’m happy I have such a great place to live
Our space – I know we’re willing to give
To our friends to hang out and enjoy
Anyone can stay over, even a boy >.<
Cuz that’s what home is all about
A place where you can live, scream and shout
So you’re always welcome to 948
(I hope this invitation won’t make my roommates hate)
Cuz college is about friends, family and school
Just like 948 – oh so cool.

Sleepless in Seattle

Sometimes I think I am sleepless in Seattle
But I'm sleepless in Irvine instead.
You would think that it's a good thing.
I'm happy I'm not bored and dead.
Cuz as much as I am ridiculously tired,
there's always something to do.
And while sometimes I argue with my roommates
They make life quite a bit of fun.
Service is a lot of work
But at the end of the day when it's done
I'm proud to be who I am.
My name is Sarah H. Bana
You can call me Sarahppa the Rapper.